Monday, April 29, 2013

Why flatline when you can ride the waves?

I think that title is a cross between quotes of Tony Robbins and Mastin Kipp. We all say that we "just want to be Ok", which is sort of like flatlining. No super happy, or really sad. Being Ok is more like mediocre, really. Theres no living, experiencing, or emotion  in "OK". Riding the waves is living, experiencing ups and downs, emotional highs and lows. Whats's the point of life if not living, experiencing and feeling?

With that said... it has  been almost two months since my last post. I totally crapped out on Gabby, and Marie, gained a bunch of weight, hated myself, went on vacation, loved myself, had a birthday, possibly one of the most miserable days of my life,  and decided the best thing to be able to fulfill my dream is put it on the back burner for now. That is some crazy shit and maybe one day i'll reflect on it all and actually write the posts that I probably should have written bout it all. Whateves.

Today I am starting a smoothie cleanse, and going to do Gabby again. I realized that I know I am an emotional eater but it is really a problem, more like an addiction. Since I got to my goal weight about 9 months ago, I think I gained about 2/3 of the weight back. That is a bummer. I fell off the work out/eat right/mentally take care of myself wagon when stress got to me. I know Moe... join the club! Getting back on that wagon has become more of an obsession then an act. I am obsessed about doing it... but I can't find the strength to actually do it.... so I eat more, don't exercise, and mentally I am kicking my own ass about it.  I have been so hard on myself for falling off, and then that turns into a barrage of more negative self talk. That shit is so no bueno.

 I have been "collecting" web sites and articles all about habits of successful people, and manifesting, and bla bla bla, and not practicing any of it... and hating on myself even more. As of today, aside from Gabby, I am taking a break from all of it. Maybe I am just too overwhelmed with one person saying "meditate every morning and heres why"... then finding another person saying "if meditation isn't ok for  you then don't do it". WTF! So much for help! And then ultimately it all comes down to... once again... we all have to find what is right for us. The universe is perfect, we are perfect and we are right where we need to be. I don't know about you, but my first instinct  after that realization is to go "well, why don't I just go fuck myself cuz that is no help." But sometimes, little Moe in the back of my brain who is fiercely trying to get out of the cage says "don't be silly... that just means you can do and be anything you want! Embrace it!"

I'm glad that little Moe is a fighter!

I would like to document my smoothie cleanse here, and post some recipes. Wish me luck!