Reboot!

So it has been over a year since I blogged. I have been meaning to try working on it again but life just kept getting in the way. For some people 2012 has been pretty good, for others, it was pretty shitty. I can say that 2012 probably wasn't the worst year of my life but I know it WAS the year that I grew the fuck up! Every year I make New Years Resolutions, just like everyone else... to stick to my goals and lose weight. This past year I lost about 30 pounds (from my heavies to my thinnest), but since gained back about 10, 15 of 'em. Even when I was the thinnest, at the goal weight I wanted to be my whole life... I wasn't happy. It still wasn't the body I wanted. So many goals came and went this year but one that stuck was Moefriendly. I am the Queen of "this is what I want to do with my life" ideas and then I drop the ball. Moefriendly has been around for a while now and I know I have found my Element (check out Ken Robinson's book The Element for more about it). The last like, 4 or 5 months of the year was spent being overwhelmed by all this goodness and growth. Silly as it may sound, too much of anything can be bad, even good stuff.. because even if there is too much good stuff GOING ON, there leaves little time for YOU. No time to take a break, dick around, be lazy, decompress. Everything that you HAVE to do takes over... and good, bad, or otherwise... that's kind of shitty. Que up those 15 "stress" pounds and Moe is not a happy chick. I began watching a lot of videos on youtube and reading books/websites by Brian Johnson , Gabrielle Bernstein and Kris Carr I was checking websites like en*theos, positively positive, and finding my muchness, daily. My classes at school to be a Mind Body Wellness Practitioner shifted from nutrition to Life Coaching (Thank you SWIHA and Dr. Henele!). People began to tell me I was much calmer, more relaxed. My first thought was "what the fuck? Me? Really?!" Looks like that is the situation. A huge part of it is that I have learned to own my shit... the choices I make and the things I say. No one can make me feel anything I don't want to, or hold me back. Sure anyone can throw a wrench in the plan and make life a million times more difficult and crappy... but letting that be the crutch for failure, or crapping out is just an excuse. That is the choice you make. I'm not about crutches anymore. I have goals and dreams and I am about finding constructive ways to make them happen... not dwelling on all the reasons why I can't. Forgive, let it roll off your back and move forward. Not giving something/someone that kind of power over you is pretty fucking empowering dude! We grow up learning that failure is not ok. A lot of us become terrified of it... I know I was. But I have learned that with each failure is a lesson, and what good is getting what you want all of the time if you don't learn anything from it? We have to appreciate, and be grateful for lessons learned. You can't grow from getting what you want all of the time. However great that may sound... it is really so disconnecting. And so... getting back to fear... I also think a huge part of not blogging for the past year can be attributed back to failing. Failing through a blog? Moe, WTF? Well friends... by having this blog and everything I want to do with it, I hold myself accountable to you. I have a fear of being responsible, and accountable and then not. Failing you. Ever have this idea in your head... for a long time... and then you say it out loud, or write it down... and all of a sudden it becomes real and this thought or idea has a whole new effect on you? That is what it's like. I want to put all of my thoughts on food, and happiness, and recipes, and exercising, and trials and tribulations with Moefriendly, and Rebooting myself, on here and take you all with me. Thats pretty heavy stuff. I don't want this to be another New Year's resolution that I crap out in in six weeks. Putting all of that stuff on here makes me accountable to actually go trough with stuff. That is kind of scary. However... I have learned that once you get passed that road block of fear, on the other side is endless possibility. So this is a Reboot of the old Moefriendly. It didn't suck at all, but time for a new phase. Hooray for being accountable, learning, growing, and food that doesn't suck! *Love Moe*